


Regina's Christmas Carol

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Once Upon a Time (TV) References, Storybrooke (Once Upon a Time), True Love's Kiss, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21871240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: Regina's bound to celebrate Christmas alone. But then, at Christmas Eve, some ghosts show up to knock some sense into her.The story takes place after season 3a, but with a small difference: Pan's curse never happened but he and Gold did die and Emma never went to New York.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 38
Kudos: 156





	1. Idiots with gifts

**Author's Note:**

> Me writing a story had to happen eventually, and I'm actually very happy about it being a SwanQueen Christmas Carol - two of my favorite things! The story almost wrote itself :) I'll be uploading the remaining chapters before Christmas! Thank you, T&T, for proofreading :)

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get that hideous thing off my property!” 

The dark, low voice boomed over the yard and the figures stilled. “Uh, we’re sorry, Madam Mayor. We thought since yours is the only house that’s not decorated yet, you might-” 

“I will have nothing of the sort,” Regina bristled towards the _peasants_. “Get that abomination out of here.” She turned around on her heels and walked inside with large paces, slamming the door behind her. There was not a hair on her head thinking that the repulsive sleigh with Santa and the reindeers which were covered in flashing lights would have _any_ place near her house. Seriously, what had they been thinking? She still had some dignity, hell, she was regal and would not lower herself to _that_ level. 

Besides, even if the decoration _had_ been worthy of a queen, there was nobody she’d need to decorate her house for. Henry was with the tedious idiots anyway this Christmas, and she’d be lucky to see a flash of him during Christmas Day tomorrow.

She sighed, deflating against the inside of the door. The house felt empty, too empty without Henry. She missed him so much that it hurt. And even though it stung, she understood why the invitation hadn’t been extended beyond Henry. 

Honestly, she didn’t even know for sure that she’d _wanted_ to be invited, first to the Christmas party at Granny’s and secondly during Christmas Day in the cramped apartment of the Charmings. She would rather stick her hand into a pit of poisonous snakes before she’d ever make small talk with one of the dwarves. Or, even worse, that sorry excuse of a pirate who was currently mooning over Emma.

Regina snorted, rolled her eyes, and ran a hand through her hair. Even though she would probably dislike either party with a fierce passion, she knew Henry would enjoy himself. And Henry - well, like she told Pan before she’d ripped out Henry’s heart from his chest - would’ve made it worth it to be there. 

So despite her intrinsic dislike of either party, she sighed, she’d probably try to be invited next year. She’d be better, she’d make amends, she would show Storybrooke that she had indeed changed, just to see the happiness in her son’s eyes.

But nothing, she growled, would be worth the horrendous decoration in her front lawn. She had a status to uphold. 

~*~ 

The evening stretched out in front of her. With a cup of tea, she sat in her study doing some work. It wasn’t that she had anything else to do anyway. For her, it was similar, too similar, to any other evening. The only thing that reminded her of it being Christmas eve were the insanely annoying flashing lights of her neighbors' decorations and the carollers out on the street, but she knew they would not dare to come to her door anyway so she felt quite content.

That’s why she nearly jumped out of her skin when someone boldly knocked on the door of her mansion. Regina’s anxiety irritated her, which is why she strode to the door with large and loud steps and opened it brusquely. “What?!”

“Whoa, look at you being the Grinch this year.” Emma didn’t look impressed with Regina’s demeanor at the least - she never was - and leaned casually against one of the pillars of the mansion.

  
“What do you want, Miss Swan?” Regina snapped, thrown off balance by Emma’s unexpected appearance. Something inside her stomach twisted. Her emotions swirled violently. Regina vigorously suppressed them, placing her hand on her stomach lightly and glaring at the intruder. She’d just wanted a quiet evening but Emma always had a way of throwing her plans straight out the window.

Emma shrugged. To Regina, it seemed as if, for the tiniest moment, she was searching for words and the brunette narrowed her eyes. She didn’t have the patience to deal with this.

“Come to the Christmas party at Granny’s,” Emma blurted out, meeting Regina’s eyes. “They should’ve invited you sooner. You deserve to be there.” 

“Deserve?” Regina spat out, immediately irritated, and a wry chuckle left her lips “Why, _thank you_ for your thoughtful invitation, Savior. Who put you up to this? Those morons wanting to decorate my lawn earlier?” 

Emma looked puzzled. “Who?”

“Never mind.” Regina shook her head. “Don’t bother, Miss Swan. We both know why I’m not invited to the party. You should go before they come looking for you, and I’m _really_ not into the idea of having all of you heroes over at my doorstep.” She took a step back to close the door, but Emma moved away from the pillar quickly and grabbed her arm. “No, wait.”  
  
Regina froze as Emma tightened her grip, slender but strong fingers closing around her wrist and the brunette drew in a shuddering breath “But you _should_ be invited,” Emma stubbornly argued. “We both know you’ve worked hard to show you’ve changed. You’re not the same woman as you were when you cast that curse. Anyone can see that.”

A bitter smile appeared around Regina’s lips. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong, Miss Swan,” she answered her former rival. “You might see it. Henry might hope it. But honestly, you haven’t lived through the Evil Queen’s - my - reign. You have no idea what you’re talking about and what I am capable of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wallowing in self-pity. It’s acceptance of a fact and even if I wished it to be otherwise, it will take more than one or two rescues before _anyone_ would get it into their right minds to invite me over for _any_ party. Now, go back to your merry-go-happy Christmas family gathering and leave me be. I’ve got no intention of being your charity case this Christmas.” Regina tried to pry her wrist loose from the blonde’s grasp but Emma pulled her a little closer instead. 

“Trust me, Regina, this has _nothing_ to do with charity.” Emma still hadn’t let go of Regina’s arm and a little surprised with Emma’s words the brunette narrowed her eyes as the Saviors grip grew tighter. It even started to hurt a little. “Henry would love it if you’d be there. ”And” Emma shuffled her feet, scuffing the toe of her boot against the concrete, “I... I’d like you to be there, as well.” 

Something in the air changed and suddenly Regina had trouble breathing. Her gaze dropped, lingered on Emma’s pink lips for a moment, and then moved away to the floor. As if she’d burned herself, she pulled her arm away, not daring to meet Emma’s green eyes anymore. What just happened? “Leave, Miss Swan.” She moved forward to close the door.

“Wait, Regina, then let me at least give you this.” Emma pulled a small package out of that repulsive red jacket of hers and all but threw it at the brunette. Regina was surprised again and she hated that feeling, she didn’t like surprises at all, especially when she already felt awkwardly out of place. “What’s this? More decorative nonsense?” It came out before she could stop herself and she knew she’d crossed a line, even before she saw that Emma’s eyes narrowed.

Emma took a step back, deflated. “Unwrap it, then you’ll see. I was just trying to be nice, God. But you know, you go and _humbug_ your way through Christmas, for all I care.” Emma sounded exasperated. “Merry Christmas, Regina,” she all but sighed. And with that, she turned around on her heels and walked away before Regina could answer. 

The mayor closed the door, softer than she’d originally intended, the click of the lock echoing loudly in the empty hallway and she stared at the gift for a minute. It was flat and had a rectangular shape. Carefully, her fingers moved to open the shiny wrapping paper. 

It wasn’t a decoration. It was a pretty thoughtful gift, actually. Regina stared at the picture frame. It was a rare shot of Regina, Emma, and Henry, all three together. And they looked _happy._ All three of them. She couldn’t even remember the picture being taken, but it had to be somewhere close after Neverland. Her fingers trembled as she subconsciously traced all the faces smiling up at her. It warmed an Evil Queen’s cold and broken heart. It really was a nice gesture but right now, it reminded her of things that could never be and the empty house this Christmas. Regina sighed, the gentle smile fading from her face and she gave up on working that evening. She headed for bed. There was nothing she would have to stay awake for this lonely night, anyway.


	2. A Familiar Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina has an unexpected visitor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT: you'll find transcribed scenes in this chapter, mostly SQ scenes: 1x01, 2x10, 2x21, 2x22. Because. ghost of the past needs to show some of the past, right? :) I've written them down to the best of my abilities, but intellectually, they're not mine. Just borrowing them for the sake of the story.

But sleep wouldn’t come to her. Regina tossed and turned, lying awake in her bed and she grew more frustrated by the minute. Rationally, she knew that getting angry was enormously counterproductive if she ever wanted to fall asleep, but she couldn’t help herself. She blamed Emma for showing up and the gift that had touched her more than she wanted herself to believe. Regina huffed and rolled onto her other side, hoping the new position would give a better result. 

The clock in the hall downstairs struck midnight, and absentmindedly she counted the individual chimes. She remembered having to get used to the sound after Emma arrived. When the time had started running again and clocks had begun moving as well.

Speaking of moving, something suddenly felt off. The hairs in the back of her neck rose and without hesitation, she raised her hand to choke the intruder in her bedroom. Any insipid moron brave enough to enter _the Queen_ ’s bedroom would await a quick death and honestly, it felt a little _too_ good at this moment to pass up the chance. 

An all too familiar voice laughed and with her free hand, she snapped her fingers to light the room. Her eyes nearly fell out of her sockets when she saw who was sitting in the comfortable armchair opposite her bed and she realized with a shock why her choking grip was ineffective.

“ _DADDY?!”_ she shrieked. Tears suddenly stung her eyes as her father got up and chuckled. Regina sat frozen in the middle of her bed as she saw her father - the one that she killed to cast her curse - getting closer to the bed. Guilt washed over her as he sat down and. To her surprise, she saw his weight sink in the mattress.

“Yes, my dear, it’s me,” Henry said, seeing the disbelief in his daughter's eyes. “Don’t cry,” he said as he gently took her small form in his arms. Bewildered, she grasped at his all-too-real arms and hugged him back fiercely. “How- What- How,” she stumbled, not being able to hold back her tears. “You’re not real!” Regina sobbed. 

“Tonight, I am,” he quietly said, stroking her hair gently like he had done when she was a little girl. 

“W-what are you doing here?” she sniffed, burying her face in his shoulder, unable to let go of him. “Oh, daddy. I’m so sorry.” Fresh tears sprung to her eyes as she recalled their final moments together. “I… I am-” The way he had cradled her, quite like he was doing right now “ I… I’m SO sorry.” 

Henry lifted her face from where is was still pressed into his shoulder. His hands framed her face, his thumbs stroking the tears away. “I know, my child,” her father hummed, “I forgave you a long time ago, hoping it would lead you to your happiness.” His brow furrowed. “But you’re not happy, my child, and all I’ve ever wanted was to see just that. You can be, I am sure. And you might not even realize, but you’re so close. You just need… a nudge in the right direction. I’ll show you what you haven’t seen these past years.” 

Regina pulled back, teary eyes shimmering in disbelief. “My only happiness was created by Henry. Your grandson,” she said, eyes softening while thinking about him. “But h-he… can’t be here tonight.” Then, she suddenly remembered Christmas stories that Henry had always enjoyed. _Especially_ on the night before Christmas. “Wait, what?” Regina sputtered, wiping her tears away and narrowing her eyes in slight discontent upon the realization. “What is this? Some sort of Christmas Carol? Who am I, Scrooge?!” 

Her father chuckled, patting her arm. “If Scrooge can be saved, then you have a fair shot at it as well, don't you think. Come, dear.” He took her hand in his and patted it with the other, and reluctantly she got on her feet. “I’m probably going to regret this,” she muttered, closing her eyes.

When she opened them, it was summer. She saw herself pacing in the mansion, Graham with her. “I don’t care, just FIND him,” past-Regina spat at him. Present-Regina instantly knew what - and when - it was. She looked at her father, a little helplessly. “Really?” she told him, rolling her eyes. “So you are, what? The ghost of Christmas past?” 

He shrugged, smiling. “I’m your father. And Regina, they’re your memories, not mine.” Regina huffed, turning back to face the scene playing out in front of her.

An insanely ugly yellow car parked out front and past-Regina flew towards the door, ripping it open. Regina saw the reunion, saw the blonde reluctantly following him, saw how her past self thanked Emma and re-lived the moment where she’d discovered Emma was Henry’s birth mother. A sharp pang in her heart made her scowl.

“I didn’t really need to see this,” she said. “Everything I was afraid of then, happened shortly after. Henry ran away and hated me. And in the end, the heroes saved the day and the Evil Queen got defeated. And I’m still making up for it- or at least I’m trying to. And I can tell you, daddy, none of it has been easy.” She closed her eyes and turned around, and when she opened them again, they were in a different situation. She was in Granny's diner and instantly knew what was going to happen and sighed. She knew what it was going to lead up to.

_“Sorry I’m late.”_

_She saw herself entering Granny’s with an oven dish of lasagna during the “Welcome home Emma & Snow” party. _

_“What is SHE doing here?” Leroy snarled, grabbing a knife off the counter._

_“I invited her,” Emma calmly said, eyebrows raised as if she challenged them to disagree with her decision._

She saw her past self sliding towards the counter, placing her oven dish there and Henry joined her. She smirked. Her son had never been able to resist her lasagna. Emma being pulled to the side by her parents hadn't gone unnoticed, but because she was with Henry she hardly cared what the idiots were discussing. Sadly, the hushed but agitated conversation between Emma and her parents wasn't a quiet one. One didn’t need spider senses to see that the Charmings weren’t amused with her showing up, present-Regina thought rolling her eyes. 

_“She tried to kill us! Yesterday!”_

Snow really needed to work on her whispering.

_“She’s trying to change for Henry. He believes in her. And right now, that’s enough for me. I couldn’t have changed if I wasn’t given a chance. She gets one too.” Emma was determined, and present-Regina smiled. She felt thankful that Emma gave her a second chance then, even though the aftermath of these days had been antagonizing._

_She turned towards her past self and Henry, who said: “I’m glad you came.”_

_Past-Regina smiled. “Me too.”_

_Time fast-forwarded. Her oven dish had been devoured by the people attending. Everyone had fun. She sat alone in one of the booths. She wasn’t welcome here, despite the invite. Regina couldn’t stand it anymore and got up, swung her coat on before leaving the diner._

_What she hadn’t suspected was that Emma would follow her._

_“Archie made a cake!” She swung around, surprised, as Emma closed some of the distance. “You don’t want to stay for a piece?”_

_Regina shook her head clenching her hands into fists in the pockets of her coat. “I’m fine, thank you.”_

_Emma looked at her then her eyes drifted. She turned around, softly saying “Okay,” and Regina hadn’t wanted her to go just yet. “Thank you,” she hastily said._ _  
_ _  
_ _Emma swung around. “You just said.”_

_“For inviting me.”_

_“Henry wanted it. I’m glad you guys got to spend some time together.”_

When the conversation went swiftly downhill after and Regina shook her head at that, her father grabbed her shoulders, turned her around to face him, and looked into her eyes. “Henry believed in you. Emma believed in you for his sake, even though you fought after this exchange. And later on, she knew you didn’t kill Archie as everyone thought he was dead.” As he spoke the scene changed and she found herself sitting in an interrogation room. Before she could say anything, she heard the startled voice of her past self.

_“Archie’s dead?” There was disbelief on her face, and the slight tilting of Emma’s head when Regina had looked her in the eyes confused her._

_“Stop it, Regina. Ruby saw you going into his office last night.” Charming didn’t look as if he was going to display patience any time soon._

_“Then she’s lying. I was home all evening.” Regina lifted her chin, turning to Emma who usually was the most reasonable of the idiots._

_“After everything I’ve done to change.. to win Henry back. Why would I toss it all away now? And if I did and I was going to kill Archie, you would never know it. The fact that he’s dead and you caught me shows sloppiness.” Every idiot knew she would cover her tracks._

_“You’ve been caught before.” Charming paused, turning to his daughter. “Come on Emma, who do you think is lying? Ruby? Or her? She’s incapable of change no matter how many times we’ve given her the chance... Why should this time be any different?”_

Regina snorted. “It surely didn’t seem like she believed it. I lost everything shortly after.”

Her father smiled as if he knew something she didn’t. “Yes, but that was only when they couldn’t get around the evidence. Your mother, my dear daughter, was a cunning woman who covered her tracks meticulously. Nobody could have blamed Emma for falling off her belief. But what you didn’t see-”

Regina blinked and she was outside the interrogation room and she saw what her father had wanted to explain unfold in front of her.

_“So what do we do with her now?” Snow asked as the two left the interrogation room._

_“Lock her up.” David didn’t even think twice._

_“We can’t lock her up because she didn’t do it,” Emma said._

_“You really believe her?” Charming looked at her in disbelief._

_“I watched her when we told her Archie was dead. She didn’t know,” the Savior said determinedly._

_“Emma, I know you want to believe that Regina can change for Henry but -” Snow didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence as Emma interrupted. “I know what I saw. Look at her in there. The old Regina would reduce this building to -ashes-. That’s a woman who wants to change. She just wants everyone else to see it. I know that look. I know her. I believe her.”_

The sincere look on her face made present-Regina gasp.

_“WIth all due respect, you don’t know her like we do.” David wanted to continue but wasn’t given the chance._

_“Maybe that’s the problem I know in your kingdom she was the Evil Queen but here she’s Regina. And I’m still the sheriff. And I say she’s innocent till proven guilty.“ Emma straightened her back. There was no more discussing this._

_“So - What do you suggest we do?“ Snow tentatively asked her daughter._

_“Let her go.“_

_“Emma, sh-” Again, Emma cut off the words, this time David’s._

_“Let her go. And then we’ll find the truth.”_

They did find the truth, Regina thought, but not before all her hard-worked progress had been undone. Not before Archie had been found. Her mother, who had set her up in the first place, had died. “It doesn’t matter,” Regina said bitterly when the surroundings started to become vague again. “They’ll always come and look for me first whenever anyone’s hurt.”

Her father looked at her with sad eyes as the next scene materialized.

 _“Now you’re never going to hurt anyone. Ever again.”_ Regina gasped again when heard Greg and she saw herself at the table, strapped down with electrodes attached to her body. The final jolt of electricity ran through her body and the present Regina remembered so well that she sunk through her knees. 

_And then, there was David and Mary Margaret - “We can’t leave her! She’ll die if we don’t get her help!” - and it got blurry, but they took her to the loft, and Regina couldn’t do anything but watch helplessly, feeling the comforting hand of her father on her shoulder._

_“You. You saved me.” She heard her own weak voice coming from the bed._

_“Yes.” Mary Margaret looked down at her._

_“Do you really think we’d let you die? Despite our differences, we’re family.” David spoke._

_Idiots,_ Regina wanted to say, but her father interfered. “They chose to save you. Despite everything they went through because of you, despite the fact that they didn’t believe you before, they still thought you were worth saving. That should tell you something.” 

A single tear escaped her eye and rolled over her cheek before she turned away. She had felt so hurt, not just physically from the jolts of electricity, but the fact that she would be left behind without Henry. “They saved me numerous times. I don’t know if that makes them incredibly stupid or me insanely lucky.” 

Forcefully, she wiped away the tears. She blinked and the next moment, she was in the mines. With the trigger, and with Emma. She gasped. All she had wanted was to go to the Enchanted Forest with Henry. She’d never meant for things spiraling out of control as they had. But Regina felt everything deeply. She had lost her mother because of Snow’s deception, and when Henry’s and Emma’s belief in her evaporated and she’d overheard the conversation that Henry was about to be taken from her and to be left behind -- alone... It was more than she could deal with at that moment and so she had done the only way she knew how to react - lash out. 

“They didn’t know you as I did,” her father softly spoke, as if he’d been reading her mind. “You were such a gentle soul once, Regina. I’ve always wanted that girl to resurface. I wished I could’ve helped you more.”

Regina didn’t answer because she stared at her reflection who was eyeing the trigger. “And,” her father continued, “despite what happened earlier, there was still someone who believed in you. Despite what happened before.”

_“Slowing the device… it’s going to require all the strength I have.”_

She watched and heard her past self speak those words and her heart sank. She remembered how she’d felt, confessing that slowing down the trigger would lead to her undoing. The agony, the soft sigh as she accepted her fate. 

_You’re not coming with us, are you?” Emma said. Regina saw the realization on her face. “When you said goodbye to Henry you’re… were saying goodbye.”_

_“He knows I love him, doesn’t he?” Regina couldn’t keep a tone of despair out of her question._

_“ Regina no. There has got to be another way.” Emma seemed... shocked and in a way, it amused Regina._

_“You were right, you know. Everything that’s happening it’s my fault. I created this device, it’s only fitting that it takes my life.” It broke her heart, but she had been ready to give Henry his best chance with Emma._

_“What am I supposed to tell Henry?”_

_Her eyes saddened, then softened. “Tell him that in the end, it wasn’t too late for me to do the right thing.” One corner of her mouth moved up, but just faintly._

Regina’s heart bled when she saw the faint smile on her past self’s face, and she hadn’t realized tears falling until she breathed shakily, hearing Emma say _“Regina, please…”_

_“Everyone looks at me as the Evil Queen. Including my son. Let me die as Regina.”_

It wasn’t so long ago that she saw Emma turn her back before she gathered her magic to slow the trigger down. What she hadn’t seen, was the hesitation that Emma showed. The savior turned around, saying _“Regina-”_ but that part wasn’t something that present-Regina had remembered. Her heart jumped slightly.

“She always wanted for you to find another way,” her father softly said. “It took some convincing by Snow before Emma returned eventually, but in the end, they did come back. And then it turned out Hook took the magic bean Emma found the other way she had talked about earlier.” 

_“I can’t contain this much longer,”_ Present-Regina heard herself say in a shaking voice, exhaustion seeping into her tone. She turned back to relive the scene. Emma hugged her parents and present-Regina saw how Henry walked over to her past self. She heard her apology to him, relived the hug he gave her - almost felt it herself as well-, and then she wasn’t alone anymore. 

_“You may not be strong enough… but maybe we are.” Their eyes interlocked as Emma stretched her hands and white magic joined her purple jolts. Their magic united, twisted, fused together, coiled around the trigger -- and then they were blasted away from it._

“When your magic came together, it was synergy. It became more powerful than just two magic users combined. You did it again, together, shortly after in Neverland.”

The scenery changed and even before the surroundings made any sense, she heard Emma say: 

_“The moon.”_

_“The moon?” Regina questioned, but with a beginning idea of what Emma meant._

_"The moon is what causes our shadows, right? What if there’s a way to block it out, using magic?”_

_"What- You mean like an eclipse, is that even possible?” Neal asked._

_“Maybe..” Regina pondered._

_“So?“ Emma sounded impatient._

_“I need help.” It almost sounded reluctant._

_“With… magic?” As if Emma couldn’t believe Regina actually needed help._

_“It requires a lot.“ She paused briefly. “I guess we’re about to find out how much those lessons I gave you paid off.“ She gazed up, towards the moon, confidently. “Follow my lead.”_

Present-Regina and her father gazed up as past-Regina and Emma raised their hands and the moon slowly covered. “Synergy,” Henry hummed contently. And then, they were back in the mansion. Regina sunk on her mattress, confused over the scenes she had witnessed. Some of them were still fresh on her mind, others had been snowed under hurt feelings, broken promises, and loss of faith. She breathed shallowly before she grabbed her father's hand.

“Regina, dear, it’s time for me to go,” he softly said.

“No, daddy, please no. Stay with me.” She clung to his hand. “It wasn’t enough, we didn’t have enough time-” Queens never begged, but she didn't want to - couldn't - let him leave. Desperate tears sprung in her eyes. 

He touched her cheek softly. “I can’t stay, sweetheart. But you won’t be alone tonight.” Gently, he took her in his arms and hugged her close. “Remember who you are, deep down inside and I’m sure you’ll find your way. Your happiness. I hoped I helped you find it if only just a little. I love you, Regina. Don’t ever forget that.”  
  
“I love you too, daddy,” Regina whispered, eyes wet, but before she’d ended her sentence, her father had dissolved into thin air. She stumbled to her bed, heartbroken, fell on top of the duvet, and curled into a ball, letting her tears run free. She hardly thought about the memories her father had shown her and what they might mean, she only knew that right now, on this damned Christmas Eve, she missed her father more than anything.


	3. Revelations of a Huntsman

“Well, I see nothing much has changed in _this_ house. Even your bedroom still looks the same.”

Her tears had dried a while ago and Regina felt exhausted, but hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Now, her eyes widened at the familiar voice. There weren’t many people with this particular accent. And even fewer of them had ever taken a step into her bedroom.

“Graham,” she said, pushing herself up, eyeing the huntsman, standing next to the bed.

“In the flesh. Or well, maybe not entirely. But you get the gist.” He stared at her face. “Time hasn’t done you much good, has it?” 

Regina snorted at the insult. “Hilarious as always. Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, guiding me towards happiness or something? Isn’t that your _job_ in your current state of the ghost of Christmas present? I am sure you’ll do infinitely better when you’re not antagonizing me.”

“Ah, the Evil Queen’s happiness,” Graham smirked, looking at her through his lashes. “There was a time _that_ was achieved easily.”

Regina shook her head to get the memories out of her head. Not her finest moments. Graham had simply been… a distraction. Someone who’d meet her needs in a time when nothing changed and all was the same over and over again. And as if he read her thoughts, he tilted his head. “Not going there tonight,” he said with a grin. 

“You wish,” Regina huffed, wrapping her arms in front of her chest. Graham snorted. 

“Don’t worry, your Majesty. I was never your true happiness, that much is clear. But your happiness isn't far away. You just actively ignore to see it. Why?"

"What - I'm not ignoring anything. And why the hell are you so invested in me?” Regina lashed out verbally because it was always safer than addressing her own feelings and emotions in general - and especially when it came to this subject. She already felt unsettled because of her father's visit. There was a reason that Regina tried to close everything off - she _felt_ too much and she didn't want to. She couldn't. Part of her was already addressing what she was still hesitant to admit and there were so many reasons why it could never be. “Villains don’t get happy endings. And you... You should be the last one dedicating his _afterlife_ to my happiness, seeing what I put you through. I- I ripped your heart out! I killed you!"

"Ah, that you did.” Graham didn’t seem bothered at the least and it ruffled her feathers even more. She had wanted a reaction - any reaction really - and he didn’t give her anything. It infuriated her but before she could insult him, he spoke, “But did you ever stop and think _why_ you crushed my heart, exactly?" he continued.

"Of course I did!” she said, voice raised. “You came too close to the truth about the curse and I couldn't let you!"

Graham looked at her, straight-faced. "Ah, I came close all right, your Majesty. But by then you had already realized the Savior was going to break the curse. I came too close to someone else. It wasn't because of the curse. Unconsciously you know this, I'm sure."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Regina huffed, but her voice was weaker than she had wanted it to be. She inhaled a deep breath.

"I thought you were evil. Not stupid," Graham snorted, and she'd have his heart for this insult. Except she already had. She shook her head as the dawning realization shook her very core.

Henry, she had always assumed, Henry could be her happiness. Her happy ending. She didn't need anyone else. Her son had believed in her, long before someone else had. But he wasn't the only one, not anymore. The blonde who had turned her life upside down had done so in more than one way. Maybe it had started out because of her belief in her biological son. Maybe her so-called superpower told her everything she knew about a barely reformed Evil Queen - _With you, Regina, I always know when you're lying._

Memories of their shared past blurred her mind, the memories she had visited with her father intertwined with those of Emma’s visit a few hours before. Regina's cheeks flushed and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe anymore when her stomach twisted and turned and she felt sick. She grabbed her ears to shut out all the noise when suddenly all the walls she had so carefully put up came crashing down and her mind was suddenly completely blank. There was only silence in her mind when she finally accepted what she'd unconsciously known for ages. One name. One name that started to sound like a heartbeat in her head.

"Emma," she whispered, but it could hardly be heard. She dropped to the bed, staring at the wall but not seeing anything.

Graham heaved a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. "Well, yes, obviously. Took you long enough. I thought you'd be quicker to wrap your head around it, though. Never pictured you as being the ignorant one."

Regina felt vulnerable and tried to regain her posture.

"Watch your tongue, huntsman, or-"

"Or what? You're going to kill me? Been there." For a moment, he looked bored as Regina struggled to compose herself, trying to find some regal dignity to hide behind. She needed to collect her thoughts and feelings and _everything_ and she couldn't, which displeased her immensely.

"Can't argue with your taste, though," Graham grinned. If he hadn't already been dead, she'd have killed him with one look, right here on the spot. 

“Isn’t there something you need to _show_ me in the present, _ghost_?” she snarled, getting on her feet again. She felt off-balance, overwhelmed. 

For a moment he just stared at her, pensive almost. “Click your heels three times.” 

“W-what?” She raised her eyes to meet his, unsure of his intentions.

“No, kidding,” he smiled, very taken with himself that she’d almost believed him. He touched her hand instead and suddenly they were at Granny’s. The Christmas party was clearly coming to an end as many guests had already left. Emma sat on a bar stool, beer in front of her and she stared into her glass. A frown marred her face. The one-handed wonder sat down beside her, Regina noticed while rolling her eyes. It stung more than she would ever admit to anyone. “What’s that look, love? Not very festive, now, is it?”

Emma hardly paid him a look as Ruby joined them. “Well, that was a fun party,” the werewolf chipperly said. “Or… not?” She leaned a bit closer towards Emma, frowning as she saw Emma's scowl. “What’s wrong Emma?” 

Regina simply stared at the threesome. Her brain was still processing what she had finally come to realize moments before, because of which she almost missed the conversation playing out in front of her. She felt an elbow between her ribs and yelped. “Pay attention, Madam Mayor. You’re missing all the fun.” Graham nodded into the counter's direction and turned his head back to the scene.

“It was fun,” Emma said flatly. “I just wished I could’ve convinced Regina to show up.” 

Regina was stunned. And she wasn’t the only one -- Ruby’s and Hook’s face mirrored her expression. “Why on earth would you invite that witch? Are we inviting villains for Christmas as well, now?” Hook snorted, clenching his jaw while tightening the grip around his glass of rum.

Emma lifted an eyebrow. " Well, for starters, she's Henry's _mom_. And besides, _you’re_ here, aren’t you? You're hardly one to speak about villains. Why would we welcome you with open arms and not her?” 

“I think I did a pretty good job on showing that you don't have to fear me. I took my second chance. She’s had dozens of chances, love.” Hook sputtered.

“And she worked hard while we hardly cut her any slack. We even fell for Cora’s bullshit, remember? She didn’t deserve that.” Emma's shoulders slumped a little and sighed with a light shake of her head. "Just saying, we've had a hand in her downward spiral on several occasions." 

“Emma,” Ruby started, but Emma shook her head, grabbed her beer, and gulped it down completely. 

“You know, I get her," she continued when she'd swallowed it all, "I understand her. She’s got nobody. Neither did I because I used to push people away as hard as she does. It's a way to protect yourself, you know? If you don't take a chance on people, they can't hurt you... Not having anyone might seem easy and convenient at times, but it really isn’t. It is really lonely.” 

Ruby gave her a sympathetic smile. The she-wolf knew a thing or two about being a loner. 

Hook, however, wasn’t as easily convinced. “That’s because of _her own doings._ ” 

Regina snorted. Hook had been a part of the hero party, for what, a blue moon and had already adopted the heroes' way of how to blame the Evil Queen. He was a quick student, she bitterly thought, she’d give him that. She'd never forgiven him for being a part of her torture and she never would.

“Is it? Go back far enough and she wasn’t the first one who made a bad choice,” Emma mentioned, referring to a spilled secret a lifetime ago. Regina was surprised that Emma had rushed to her defense and breathed in relief, but she couldn't think of what it might mean. “But all of that doesn’t matter. It happened. And we have to move forward instead of being stuck in the past because we can’t change anything that’s already happened... Regina’s _trying_ , she saved our asses during these past years on numerous occasions. She doesn’t deserve to be alone, _especially_ not over Christmas. She’s got nobody now Henry’s staying at the loft.” 

“There’s a reason Henry’s in the apartment and not in the mansion, love,” Hook sharply said, not willing to give up. Sometimes, Regina thought irate, it wasn't easy to imagine she would embrace the darkness again soon. Especially when that sorry excuse fo a pirate opened his mouth. Her fists clenched and unclenched. What she didn't give to lurch a fireball at his sorry ass.

Ruby placed a fresh beer in front of Emma and she cupped the glass. “Why'd you ever forgive her so easily? Trust and respect must be earned," Hook continued.  
  
Emma snorted. “Well, look who’s been taking lessons in morality and hypocrisy,” she darkly said.

“What’s that now, love?” Hook narrowed his eyes. 

“Didn’t you team up with Cora to kill Gold? Weren’t you the one teaming up with Greg and Tamara to capture her? Weren’t you the one leaving her to die when you left her connected to those electrodes? And afterwards, weren’t you the one stealing the magic bean - because of which we almost _died_? You were forgiven quite easily, as I might say, so why can’t you of all people return that favor? And besides, what’s she ever done to _you_ that you're so invested in keeping her away?” 

“Hey, she left me with a dragon, remember?”

Emma smiled exasperatedly at the same time Regina rolled her eyes. 

“You survived. Get over it.” Both Emma and Regina said at the same time, and Regina’s eyes widened. Of course Emma hadn’t heard, but it still made her stomach all queasy. 

“Why are you suddenly so invested in that witch?” Hook wanted to know, starting to get seriously annoyed now, and Emma’s jaws snapped shut. She turned her back towards Hook and faced Ruby instead, lifting her beer. With a dramatic sigh, Hook lifted his rum and turned around on his barstool. “Never mind," he said, throwing the hand with the hook in the air in an almost desperate gesture, " I came for a fun party, and it seems you’re determined to kill the mood. Don’t let Her Majesty ruin your entire Christmas, love.” 

Emma sighed as he left, shaking her head.

“Well, isn’t he a persistent one?” Ruby mused. She'd leaned back as the argument between the two had unfolded, but she came closer now Hook had left.

“He’s an asshole,” she muttered, taking another sip of her beer. Regina couldn’t help but smile. The pirate had been mooning over Emma ever since he had arrived in Storybrooke. He’d followed her everywhere like a puppy, waiting to be kicked to the curb - if she could, she would do it for Emma with pleasure. And, truthfully, she had felt some justification at Emma’s rant about his forgiveness. Because it had hurt how everyone had stepped over the pirate’s involvement when Storybrooke - and herself - had almost been destroyed. Even more, the Charmings had welcomed him generously into the heroes' party. “Idiots,” Regina muttered under her breath.

Emma put down the glass with more force than intended, and looked up to face Ruby. “I don’t even know why I tried inviting her. Even gave her a present you know? And she all but threw the door in my face.” 

“Ah,” Ruby softly said. “You know I’ve never had much to do with the Evil Queen. Never came across her so I only know her through Snow's stories, mostly? But what you said earlier, about being lonely? That I do know... I’ve spent a long time on my own because well, you know, me eating my boyfriend and finding out I was part wolf. Being alone isn’t freedom. But it takes a while for some people to figure that out. Especially when people shut down their personal lives so effectively as Regina has.”

Regina wanted to tell the wolf she was wrong, but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. She _knew_ she had pushed away people for a long time to help her function. To fuel her revenge. What her father had said earlier in the evening was true: she did feel deeply. Intensely. Shutting out that part of her had been easier than to... _feel_ everything. She’d never imagined that this wolf would be the ones to scratch these old scars on her inside, making them bleed. Making her _feel_ even more than she already did. She nearly choked on her own breath.

“She shouldn’t,” Emma muttered, “There’s people who want to help her. Henry’s never given up on her. And neither have I. She’s just too stubborn to see. The walls she’s raised, they touch the sky and beyond. And I can’t even blame her. Think of it: Cora killed her boyfriend and shortly after she was more or less forced to marry a _way_ older man because _her_ mother and _his_ daughter wanted it. How could anyone go through that without losing their mind?”

Regina chewed on her lip until she tasted blood. _I don’t know how to love very well,_ she’d told Henry a while ago. She still didn’t. Loving Henry came naturally to her. But this felt… dangerous. She didn't want to come forward with her feelings because then, she had to be vulnerable, and when you were vulnerable, people were able to hurt you. They could smack you down with a single word or gesture and you'd bleed, physically or mentally and it would take forever to get over it. That was something she never wanted to experience again. 

And maybe, _just maybe,_ Graham was right and she didn’t believe she _deserve_ happiness because of her past. 

Emma’s summary was correct. Regina felt a bit upset about how Emma seemed to genuinely understand what Regina had been going through in her earlier life. She'd never thought the Savior to even give it a second thought and it made a sliver of hope flutter in her chest. 

“Besides,” Emma continued with a semi-smirk, “She’s not all bad. She’s raised the kid into a well-functioning and social human being who cares for the people in his surroundings. Don’t underestimate nurture.” 

Ruby grinned a wolfy grin and grabbed her hand. “Oh my god, Emma, you _like_ her,” she said with a hushed voice, eyes shimmering with excitement.

Emma returned the gaze without giving much away. “Don’t tell my mom, okay?” she replied with a wry smile.

“She won’t hear it from me. Wolf’s secret.” Ruby made the gesture of locking her mouth before turning around, off to serve another drink to Grumpy who was sitting at the other side of the bar.

“Well?” Graham turned to Regina, who tried to suppress the feeling of hope inside her.

“Well what?” she said and her squeaky voice betrayed her, so she cleared her throat while shifting her eyes to the man next to her. She vaguely noticed that the surroundings were changing towards her own bedroom again. 

“Really, your Majesty? Do I have to spell it out for you?" Graham sounded almost desperate because of Regina's superficial ignorance. "Emma _likes_ you. So make a move. She tried earlier tonight and you slammed the door to her face. What’s a girl got to do to make you notice her?” Graham seemed impatient. 

“It's not that easy. There's history. And,” Regina added, raising an eyebrow as if she was mocking him, “might I remind you, there’s a lot of it."

"There always is." Graham was not impressed and folded his arms in front of his chest. 

"She’s the freaking daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming!" She threw her arms in the air in a desperate gesture. "A product of _true love_. And I’m the _Evil Queen_ \-- I can not see how that’s even _remotely_ compatible now, is it?” she spat. Frustration built up inside her, and Graham was the only one she could take it out on.

“Don’t you think it's rather... poetic, though? Light and dark together?" Graham mused, seemingly oblivious to Regina's anger.

"You're a _huntsman_. Wolves raised you. What the hell do _you_ know about poetic?" Regina snorted. "And then there's Henry to consider."

"Ah, so you've resorted to play your final Henry-card. That's pathetic, _especially_ for a queen of your posture," the man scowled while shaking his head.

"What's _wrong_ with you?” Regina snapped. She _knew_ Graham was antagonizing her to get a reaction out of her, but she couldn’t restrain herself because of - well, _feelings_. “Did me crushing your heart also affect your brain or is it just because you've been dead so long? Worms got your common sense? It has _everything_ to do with Henry!"

The angrier she got, the more confident Graham seemed to become and - even fueling her anger more - he wasn’t the least impressed with whatever she threw at him. "Henry still loves you. He loves Emma. Already calls both of you mom. What would he _possibly_ think if you two ever got together, huh?" A sly smile surrounded his mouth, as if he was content with the responses he received and it fueled her anger even more.

"I am just saying it is not as easy as it looks! There are other factors to consider. My God, there's a whole _town_ to consider!” She raised her hands in anticipation and slumped back on her bed. Suddenly, her anger evaporated and she sighed. “Maybe you should leave,” she said with an exhausted sigh. 

But Graham wasn’t willing to give up just yet and came closer, sitting down next to her. “You've accused Emma of running away, you actually told _her_ that Henry couldn’t rely on you because of it. But you're doing the same right now, your Majesty. You are looking for excuses. She likes you. You like her. It is not that complicated. As for the rest, relationships are never easy. That’s because _people_ are never easy. And _that,_ Madam Mayor, is something I _do_ know a lot about.” He smiled as she looked up to him and she felt that sliver of hope again. “Wolves live by the day. Maybe you should try that, once.”

And with that, he was gone. Regina stared into the darkness of her own bedroom, unsure of what to do next.


	4. A Granddaughter’s Win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: This chapter contains canon Swan Queen scenes again from episodes 3x11, 4x05 and 4x23.

“Hey grams, wake up.”

 _Grams?_ Regina blinked heavily before she looked up and stared directly into chocolate brown eyes. A Latina girl was laying on her belly on her bed, a little too close to her personal space, and was studying her intently with a happy smile on her face. Her head rested on her hands and she tilted her head in a way that was vaguely familiar to Regina. 

“Who the hell are you?” the brunette asked her, staggering onto her feet.

The girl raised both her eyebrows, then scowled at her. “There’s no need to be rude.” She huffed. “I’m Lucy. I’m ten. And I’m your granddaughter.”

Regina blinked at her in disbelief, then scoffed, shaking her head. “Wait- what? That’s not even possible!”

Lucy rolled her eyes and it looked exactly like her own famous eye-roll. A family trait, she thought, closely observing the girl, planting her hands on her hips, while waiting for Lucy to explain herself.

“Well, I still am,” the girl said with a chipper voice. “You’re the Evil Queen, why are we discussing possible and impossible? We should rather go and see our future!”

“Ours, huh?” Regina sighed and deflated, accepting the fact that _apparently,_ this night’s ordeal wasn’t over just yet.

“Someday, I’ll be a part of it.” The girl shrugged and looked way too confident for her age. Regal, almost, and Regina couldn’t help but feel some pride. 

“So, Henry’s got a daughter in the future. Not something I’m quite ready for now, but nice to know things will work out for him.” She couldn’t help but smile at the girl, and she grinned back. 

“He will, but it’s hard work. It will take mom and dad _forever_ to get together," Lucy sighed dramatically, lifting her arm to wipe some imaginary sweat from her forehead. It made Regina roll her own eyes before the child continued. "Kinda the same forever it takes you to get happy because jeez, grams, you are so _difficult_. You don’t let people know you like them. How could they ever know if you do when you push them away all the time?” Another eye-roll and Regina cringed this time. Those accusations weren't getting any easier, even though she’d heard them a couple of times tonight already.

“All right, all right. I get the point," Regina sighed heavily, "But please, I’m not ready to be called grams just yet."

"Grandma, then?"

"Let’s just stick to Regina, okay?"

“Sure, ‘Gina.” The girl shot her a bright smile and Regina sighed, admitting her defeat. “But come, we've got lots to do. I am about to show you what could have happened _and_ what still _can_ happen. But you have to remember, it’s all just possible outcomes. They always say you can't change destiny but I don't believe that's true. Because choices always lead to different outcomes.”

“What, then?” Regina eyed the girl curiously.

“Well," Lucy merrily hummed, "if you and Emma hadn't stopped Peter Pan, he would have unleashed a dark curse that would've destroyed Storybrooke and it would've sent you back to the Enchanted forest for good. And look, we're still here so that’s something you changed.” The girl looked pleased with herself.

"He would have?" Regina remembered capturing Pan just after he and Henry had been switched back into their own bodies. Gold had given his life to rid the town of Pan - the most heroic thing he’d ever done in his life. And despite the twisted history she and Gold had had during their lifetimes, she missed him like she missed an old friend. 

"Yes." The girl looked up to her, calmly. "Pan would have. But you and Emma caught him in time. You're a great team, right?" she beamed.

“But-” Before Regina could say anything else, the scenery around them changed and Regina found herself at the town line. Lucy acted as if she hadn't heard Regina. "This is what would have happened if you and Emma hadn't gotten to him in time and when he would've cast the curse. You got the chance to save everyone and alter the curse, ‘Gina,” Lucy said. “And you took it. But for that to happen, you had to give up the thing you loved most.”

“Henry.” The name was barely a whisper because after the evening she had, after the revelations she wasn't sure she could even choose anymore.  
“Perhaps. But not just him.” Lucy gave her a knowing glare and cared not for her grandmother's inner turmoil. “If this had played out, Henry would not be able to go to the enchanted forest because he wasn’t born there. Emma was, but you told her to stay behind because she was the savior and so that he didn’t have to be alone. You let her escape the curse Pan created. And you know what the funny thing was?" Lucy chatted on as if she was telling a story, "Emma didn’t really want to go away. She wanted to bring everyone their happy endings because that’s what saviors do, right? You had to convince her to go, in the end. She had to, otherwise it wouldn’t have worked!”

A crinkle formed in Regina’s forehead, watching the savior and her son saying goodbye to her family and friends. The thing she loved most, she thought, and her eyes shot between her son and the blonde. 

“It almost feels... like a memory that never happened,” she whispered, “I can feel my heart breaking by just watching this.” She swallowed but felt a lump in her throat which she couldn't get rid of.

“That’s probably because it _almost_ happened. But it didn’t, in the end.” Lucy wasn’t done yet. “But you did more than you had to. Just giving them their best chance would’ve been enough.” 

Regina wanted to ask what it was that she did, then, but then, she heard her own voice in the scene that never happened.

_“Emma.” She saw herself walk up to the savior, tentatively. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”_

_“What now?” Emma breathed, nearly in tears._

_“When the curse washes over us it will send us all back. Nothing will be left behind... Including your memories.” Regina shot her an apologetic glance. “It’s just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist - it won’t_ **_ever_ ** _have existed. So these last years will be gone from both your memories. And we’ll just go back to being stories again.”_

_“What will happen to us?” Emma asked her._

_“I don’t know.” Regina honestly said._

_“That doesn’t sound much like a happy ending.” The savior didn't like it - that much Regina could tell from her voice._

_“No, it’s not…” Regina paused briefly. ”But I can give you one.”_

_Emma’s eyes lit up. “You mean you can preserve our memories?”_

_“No… I can… do what I did to everyone else in this town. I can give you new ones." she offered._

_Emma nearly snorted. “You cursed them… and they were miserable.” Disappointment and reservation shone in her eyes._

_“They didn’t have to be,” Regina sadly smiled. She looked down and tentatively took Emma’s hand, squeezed it softly. Looking up again, she continued: “My gift to you is good memories. A good life for you...” She reached over for Henry and he stepped towards her. “... and Henry. You’ll have never given him up, you’ll have always been together.” Tears filled both Reginas’ eyes._

_“You’d do that?” Emma’s eyes weren’t dry either._

_“When I stop Pan’s curse and you cross that town line you will have the life you’ve always wanted.” The thought of never seeing them again, them living without her, almost incinerated her._

_“But it won’t be real.”_

_“Your past won’t.” Regina agreed softly, “But your future will.” She faintly smiled and squeezed Henry’s shoulder. “Now go, there isn’t much time left…”_

The scene faded out but Regina could still feel the hurt, _the love_ she had felt at that very moment. And the loss, the painful realization that the ones she loved would be gone forever. 

"Wow, - _that_ \- was super selfless, grams. You'd have given Emma her best chance with Henry despite what it would mean for you _and you gave her your memories of raising Henry_. An act of true love, right?" Lucy bounced up and down in excitement.

Regina wiped the tears from her eyes and face. "But it didn't happen," Regina whispered. _Thank god it didn’t happen._ Just the thought of having to leave her family behind ran shivers down her back.

"No, because a different path did. But it _could have happened_ if Pan had succeeded. It could have been your future when you returned from Neverland. But it is not because _you_ made a different choice." Lucy talked as if she was explaining the situation to a 6-year-old. “That’s how life _works_. There are always choices to make.”

"All right,” Regina said quietly, giving in with a sigh and clearing her throat, “so what will my path be if... if I don't change things? If I can't make a choice?" She longed for and dreaded the answer at the same time. 

"I'll show you," Lucy said. Her expression didn't give anything away.

Suddenly, they were in her vault. Regina felt pain, heartfelt pain seared through her chest as she saw herself staring in the mirror. She had no recollection of what had happened previously to this particular scene and why her heart was filled with pain, grief, and anger at the same time, but an image briefly flashed in front of her eyes. She was sitting against her office door at the town hall, knees pulled up, face bent down to her knees. Emma was standing on the other side of the door, she was talking but Regina didn't listen. Couldn't hear what the blonde was saying.

Shaking her head to remove the image, she heard Emma's footsteps approaching - Regina realized at that very moment that she had always been able to recognize Emma's footsteps, ever since the blonde had shown up at her front door to return Henry for the first time - and she turned around to face her. Her future self did the same. What she then realized was that the heart pain she felt was not for Emma - her image caused another sort of pain. She didn't know when in the future this would take place, but in any case, she could sense that they weren't together. So in that particular area, nothing had changed. And she didn't like it, she thought, slightly surprised with herself.

_“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, Swan?!” Exasperation, pain, and anger were thick in her voice. “Go away.”_

_“I’m an idiot,” Emma said._

_“-Finally- something we can both agree on,” Regina exclaimed._

_“An idiot because I’ve been down this road before.” Emma continued quickly._

_“Irritating me?” Regina snorted, “Yes, you have.”_

_“No, when I was a kid. Someone came into my life for a while and I thought we were going to be.. best friends. But this girl, she lied to me and I pushed her away because of that lie. She asked me to forgive her but I never did. It took some time but I realized that was a mistake and I regretted the decision but by then it was too late. The damage was already done. I don’t want to make the same mistake again, Regina.” She paused and smiled a little hesitant as if she didn't know how Regina was going to respond._

_“Living in Storybrooke, I’ve got my son, and my parents. I -love- them, but they can’t always understand me. They don’t know how it feels like to be rejected and misunderstood, not the way I do, not the way YOU do.” Regina turned her face away from Emma’s before the savior continued. “Somehow that makes us… I don’t know, unique. Or maybe even special.” Regina stared at the ground and swallowed. “I wasn’t looking for you to_ _assuage_ _my guilt… I was just looking for you to be my friend.”_

_Regina looked up at those last words. “You thought we were friends?”_

_“Crazy, right?” Emma breathed with a half-smile, seeing an opening. “But I thought it could be- that it was possible.” Regina looked away again, but Emma wasn’t done yet and continued with more determination. “I’m not going to stop trying. Even if you still want to kill me.” At those final words, Emma turned around, taking a few steps to leave the vault and present-Regina wanted to scream at her future self not to let that happen._

_“Emma… wait.”_

_The blonde turned around instantly, waiting for her to continue. Future-Regina looked for words, rolled her eyes, and said, “I don’t -want- to kill you.”_

_Emma smiled at her, relief washing over her features. “See? That’s a start.”_

Regina opened and closed her mouth upon seeing the tentative smile on Emma's face. "This is going to happen?" she asked Lucy.

"It all depends on your choices," the girl confidently said. "Right now, if you don't do anything, it probably will."

"That's.... good, right? A start?" The fluttering hope in her chest started to grow, but her heart dropped the moment she saw Lucy’s frown.

“Well," Lucy said slowly, "that start is going to take some time. And not very long after, it will also lead to this.”

Suddenly she found herself walking hand in hand with a guy she had never seen before. They seemed intimate, and she sensed a feeling of content. “Who’s _that_?” she asked Lucy, outrage on her face, “and why the hell am I holding his hand?” She missed the first part of the conversation in front of her because of the question and Lucy simply shrugged with sad eyes. “Just look,” the girl whispered.

_“It hasn’t got anywhere. The darkness… it’s surrounding us,” Emma said, looking up, arms spread out in a protective gesture._

“What darkness,” present-Regina urged Lucy to answer. In the back of her head, she knew the answer already, but before the girl could say anything, she saw her future self look up in agony. The darkness' tentacles reached out for her and curled around her like a tornado of blackness. 

_“What’s it doing?!” she heard the strange guy say and Emma answered in agony. “What darkness always does - it’s sucking out the light!”_

Regina looked bewildered from Emma towards Lucy. "T-the light?!" she cried out, inhaling sharply. When the hell would she be considered light?! She was heaving in her breath, thoughts whirling and scared for her future self. 

_The darkness started to devour Regina and it hurt, it hurt so much, the strange man tried to get her out and was blasted away from the whirring darkness, voices spoke but she couldn’t hear because the darkness washed over her and it ate it's way to her very core and-_

_"NO!" future-Regina cried out, wide-eyed, as she saw Emma stride towards her in determination, dagger in front of her. “There - has - to be another way,” she all but choked._

_“There isn’t,” Emma cried out. “You worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed!” The savior’s red-rimmed eyes were filled with tears. The heroes told her not to go forward and Hook tried to pull Emma away_ (really, that was going to happen too?) _and Emma said she loved him and it hurt even more as the darkness started to get a hold of her. But then, Emma swung her arm with the dagger into the darkness and suddenly the savior was the one who was swept up by the black tornado, crying out in agony until in the end, she disappeared and the Dark One’s dagger fell to the ground, a lonely reminder of what had just happened._

Regina hadn't realized that she had sunk through her knees after the dagger had fallen to the ground. "T-this... this can't happen," she cried out, tears stinging, "She can't sacrifice herself for me! She can't become the dark one! It should've been _me_!" She brusquely grabbed Lucy’s hand and looked up at the girl, eyes wide. “Get me the hell out of here,” she snapped.

Lucy remained quiet, didn't even make a comment on Regina snapping at her, and was immensely impressed with what just had played out. It only took a blink of an eye to getting back to Regina’s bedroom in the mansion. "She will do it out of love," the young girl quietly spoke, "even though she probably won't realize it because you are both really well at pushing your feelings away and honestly, grams- _‘Gina_ , that’s stupid." The girl swung her arms around the now sobbing woman and pressed her cheek against hers. "It doesn't have to be either of you," she whispered. "It doesn't _have_ to happen."

“How can I prevent it?!” Regina cried out, wanting concrete answers so she knew what she was up against, but Lucy shrugged against her. “I don’t know exactly which choices lead up to this - I only know it will happen if you don't change anything. But if someone can change that, it's you. I _know_ it. Because you're strong, 'Gina.” There was a fierceness in Lucy's eyes.

“I... I need to find her.” Regina suddenly got to her feet, lifting Lucy with her. “Right now.” She wiped away her tears and felt more confident than she had in ages. Lucy all but squealed. “Yes, go!” She wriggled to get loose and Regina let her go. Lucy bounced away but then stopped and turned around a final time. "I have to go now, ‘Gina. But please, _please_ promise me you’ll let Dad go on his quest to find his own story when he asks to, ok?"

"Wait, what?" Despite her agony, Regina stopped in her tracks to frown at Lucy, but the girl merely shrugged.

"Not now. When he's older. You'll know when!" she said with a chipper voice. And with that, her future granddaughter had disappeared. Regina breathed shakily. 

She knew what she had to do.


	5. Twas the night before Christmas

If there was one thing that Regina Mills would never have believed if you had told her, it was that she would play the lead role in her very own Christmas Carol. Complete with _three_ ghosts from her past and future. She woke up with a shock, bathing in sweat and entangled in her duvet, and looked at her alarm clock. 1.30. The middle of the night. And yet, she was wide awake. 

Had it been a dream? How much of it was real? She didn’t know and couldn’t process it all at once, but she did feel different. As much as she disliked Snow' endless rants of hope, it was hope she _felt._ It was a small flicker of fire that had started to burn tentatively, but she realized she didn’t want them to die out. They had to be savored even though they made her nervous as hell and she didn’t even know _how_ or what she was going to do it - she needed to do _something._ For a short moment, she let the emotions wash over her, accepting her feelings for what they were for the first time, cherishing the insights that the dreams - or visions, or whatever - had given her. She felt alive, for the first time in... _forever_.

Even though it was scary as hell. 

The horrible nightmare at the end had removed any doubt. She needed to do this and it really could go either way, she figured. But, nothing good ever came from doing nothing - that's basically what these ghosts had shown her, right? - so she guessed she just needed to take a chance. And if it all failed… well, she was a queen, so she’d regally deal with it as one. Maybe minus the revenge and dark curse, she smiled to herself. Maybe she _had_ grown, after all. Maybe she did deserve… well, at least _something?_

She quickly dressed and left the house. The mansion was dark, she noticed, compared to the other houses in Mifflin Street which were twinkling with Christmas lights. But that was of later concern, she absently thought, hasting her way towards Granny’s. She hoped the party wasn’t over yet, and sincerely hoped she would find Emma still sitting at the bar because she really wouldn’t know what to do if she wasn’t. It wasn’t like she could just go and barge into the Charming’s apartment and- 

Granny’s door closed. Emma turned to step down the stairs and Regina skidded to a halt. Desperately trying to control her breath, she lifted her hands to straighten out her hair, as Emma descended, eyes on the ground. Regina cleared her throat.

“Sorry I'm late,” she said, trying not to sound too out of breath. 

Emma’s eyes shot up. “Regina,” she said, surprised, but her brow furrowed instantly. “What are you doing here?”

Regina blinked heavily, relief washing over her when she saw Emma was still… Emma. No darkness surrounded her. Suddenly unsure what to do, Regina balled her hands into fists and pushed them firmly into the pockets of her coat. Nails dug in the palm of her hands but she welcomed the pain as a distraction. ”I just… I guess I wanted to come and say thank you.” 

“For what?” Emma looked at her, with a reserved glance in her eyes. Regina couldn't really blame her.

“Your gift.” Regina smiled tentatively and shrugged helplessly. She felt awkward and out of place.

“Ah. ‘Kay. You're welcome.” A shadow of disappointment clouded Emma’s eyes. "I should go home. It's late." And then, she wanted to walk past her, but Regina blocked her path and grabbed her arm, a gesture that surprised them both.

“No, wait. I… I am not talking about the picture.” 

“Then what are you talking about?” The blonde’s impatience was evident and Regina breathed in and out, shallowly. _Now or never, right?_

“Your belief. In me,” she said, exhaling. She let go of Emma and raised a hand to rub her own neck, trying to mask her awkward feelings and she felt how her cheeks flushed. “There's.. not a lot of people in this town who’d give me that, and I cannot blame them," she quietly said. "But you, even if just for Henry's sake, you chose to trust me. To believe in me. And- and that means a lot. So... thank you, Emma. For that.” She shrugged and continued, slightly stammering. “You know, and for the picture, of course. It’s lovely.” 

Emma looked suspicious but seemed less on edge. Her shoulders seemed to relax a little. She even smiled faintly. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

A sheepish, somewhat apologetic smile surrounded Regina’s lips. “Let’s just say... I had a really strange night, and somebody knocked some sense into me." 

“Someone hit you? Who?” Emma tensed up again and Regina lifted her hands to calm her down. 

“No! No, I meant figuratively speaking. It doesn't matter and it's hardly the point." Regina's heart somersaulted upon seeing how Emma - again - rushed to her defense. " I... have had the weirdest night of my entire life - you wouldn’t believe if I told you. Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe some of it was true. But I do know that this is where I need to be right now. And that there's something I need to do, even though it isn't easy."

Soulful brown eyes gazed into wondering green ones and Regina took a step closer. She raised a trembling hand and took Emma’s, while a shiver ran down her spine. Her taking Emma's hand like this - it was the same gesture as in the scene she’d witnessed near the town line, just before Pan’s curse had hit. And whatever was going to happen, she was happy that _that_ particular scene had never gotten into play.

Emma looked at her, waiting, questioning her, urging her to continue with dark green eyes while Regina bit her lip in uncertainty. She breathed shallowly, felt her heart pounding in her ears as she took her leap of faith. “Emma, I told Henry before but… I don’t know how to love very well.” 

“Oh Jesus, Regina,” Emma said exasperated, eyes now on Regina’s plump lips. Before Regina knew what was happening, Emma had raised her hands to cup the brunette’s face, pulled her close, and pressed her pink lips on full red ones. Regina yelped in surprise and her eyes widened only a split second before they fell shut immediately after, savoring the moment as her blood turned into lava and rushed through her veins, heating up her entire body. 

Her heart sung when she slid her hands around Emma’s neck and waist to pull her even closer, melting into the embrace as time froze. Feelings, those _feelings_ she’d resented for so long, the ones she’d pushed away for an eternity -- they resurfaced as if flood gates inside of her had opened the moment their lips had touched. And she wanted the moment to last forever, she vaguely thought as her hands traveled up Emma's back, pushing her even closer, reveling in the shared heat, despite the winter coats. 

When they finally broke apart, it was because both of them needed the oxygen to breathe.

Regina pressed her forehead against Emma’s while panting heavily, and closed her eyes. Maybe she should pinch herself. Maybe that was what she should’ve done earlier the night as well to see if all _had_ been real, she briefly mused, and couldn’t help but chuckle. And she couldn't stop. A deep laugh emerged from her belly, and the sound was warm and happy. Emma pulled back a little, looking amused, and cupped Regina’s face with her hands, softly stroking Regina’s cheeks with her thumbs.

“Weird night, huh? Does it get weirder than this?” the murmured, touching Regina's nose with her own.

“Oh, much,” Regina said, still laughing. “Someday, I'll tell you all about it. And you will not believe a word I’m saying.”

“Then it’s a good thing I can always tell if you’re lying,” Emma said, pulling Regina closer again. Regina leaned into the embrace, allowing herself to feel _everything_ , savoring the moment. She gently moved her lips over Emma’s before she softly said: “You know, this - us - it is not going to be easy. Not in this town.”

“Hm,” Emma hummed, planting a kiss on Regina’s forehead. “I’m the savior. What are they going to do? Besides,” she said, moving so she could see the brunette, “when have you ever seen me taking the easy way? And in a way,” Emma smiled smugly, “you still don’t know what I’m capable of.”

Regina raised an eyebrow. “I don’t, do I?” she said with a devilish shimmer in her eyes. Her hand found Emma’s and their fingers interlaced. “Very well, then. I guess there’s plenty of time to find out,” she contently purred. 

This certainly had played out much better than she could’ve ever imagined and Regina couldn’t help but to briefly look up to the stars. She mouthed a soundless _“thank you”_ before turning her attention back to Emma, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Her own arm slid around Emma’s waist and she couldn’t believe they fit so perfectly. She sighed blissfully.

Twas the night before Christmas - no actually, given the time it was Christmas already - when two figures walked through the crisp winter night as one, huddled closely together, and at that moment, all was well in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading this tale as much as I enjoyed writing it :) I foresee more stories to come, because I really liked writing about my favorite duo. Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> Follow me on twitter: queststar :)


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